The Four Nerds

I am a big fan of yoga. Especially when it is done by other people. There is a lot to be said for the world being a more flexible place. First of all a flexible woman is just fantastic in bed. It is not the determinative factor, but you have certainly widened the realm of possibilities. Second, from a public policy standpoint there is no reason for the confinement of contortionists to circuses; they have enough problem with confinement already. Also, I am bored. I go through my daily life rarely getting surprised by where I find people: the road, hallways, various shops. It’s really gotten monotonous. But, what if you were feeling a little peckish, so you walked into your kitchen for a Hot Pocket. You open the freezer, and there are three limber ladies stuffed in there like intertwined frozen pretzels. How exciting! I would leave my doors unlocked if I thought that was a possibility. It’s worth the risk of getting robbed. Not to mention you have three women, who you already know have passed aforementioned flexibility test, right in your house.
So, you are probably wondering what this has to do with nerdiness or the Wankel Rotary Engine. So am I. At my gym there are waterless urinals; for the women out there a urinal is, well this is a nerd website so no need to explain. My point here is that these urinals are “the latest in waterless technology.” I know that because it says so; my piss splashes (surprisingly particulate splashes- I think there is some sort of Teflon coating at work here that makes urine bead up) right across this logo. I don’t get it. We have had waterless toilets; they were called outhouses. President Johnson spent a lot of time and money educating children, especially in rural areas, about the existence and benefits of indoor plumbing. If not for the Economic Opportunity Act of 1964, my gym’s waterless pisser would be quite appropriate, but because of its clear effect in the modern world, the existence of waterless technology is a clear affront to Mr. Johnson’s legacy. Is having your third heart attack take you out of this world not enough? By the way, Cassius Clay, the real one (emancipationist and cousin of Henry Clay), was a badass. Pot has taken most of my memory, and I don’t do research beyond what I find on Wikipedia (I’m just a busy man) – another aside, the fact that Wikipedia does not reference any of the three events that make Clay a badass but they do include his involvement in the Cuban Charitable Aid Society is a shameful commentary on the liberalization and pussification of the United states- so the facts here may be wrong, but the general jist is right. First, Clay was the target of a hired assassin. The assassin shot him in the chest, so Clay, being a badass, pulled out his bowie knife, which had helped slow the bullet, and proceeded to mercilessly carve up the assassin, who I think actually survived. Amazing for both of them in a time before penicillin. Second, at an anti-slavery rally, Clay was attacked by the son of a local slave owner; ironically he too was the son of a slave owner. Actually, that is not ironic; at best it is an interesting but meaningless observation, so an apology to David, who would have corrected me anyway. He fought back against the onslaught, but a crowd had formed (apparently emancipation in 1850s Kentucky was unpopular) who wrestled Clay’s knife away from him and stabbed him in the lung. Despite another gaping chest wound, he wrestled the knife away from the crowd, and racing against the time before he passed out from loss of blood Clay tracked down his original assailant in the crowd and stabbed him. The bitch died later; it only took one chest wound to take him out. And that is why slavery is not a viable economic system. Finally, and here is where my memory gets hazy, as an old man enjoying the obvious benefits of senility (probably brought on from periodic blood loss) and his 15 year old bride, Clay was robbed late one night. The short story is that he pulled out that damn knife again and wrecked house on the three robbers. I think there was some chasing involved. I don’t know; do some research and get back to me.
I like the Wankel rotary engine. But first, Tetris only has pieces comprised of four blocks; hence “tet.” David just let me in on this epiphany; someone should have let me know earlier. Wasted my damn childhood. I’m not sure if the Wankel rotary engine is superior to a traditional piston engine, but it does represent out of the box thinking, of which I approve. My understanding (I moved from philosophy/political science as an undergrad to law school, so my understanding of anything remotely practical is pretty much nonexistent) is that the Wankel rotary engine needs fewer repairs b/c there are fewer moving parts. Also, I like the idea of my car being powered by a big gerbil wheel. For those of you who don’t know what the Wankel rotary engine is; it is a rotary engine invented by Wankel. Look it up; I ain’t your mama. And that’s the word.