The Four Nerds

The video game industry has come a long ways in the last 20 years.  Fortunately for us, so has video game advertising.  Without further ado, here’s the worst five NES commercials that YouTube has to offer.

5) Little Nemo: The Dream Master

OK. Let me get this straight. There’s a van. It drives around, and has a “Dream Scope” that views your dreams. The people in the van, they’re going to use those dreams to create video games. For an only mildly creepy game, this is an incredibly creepy advertising plot. Those people in the van are just a little too excited about these dreams. Honestly, a game about people chasing down creepy dreams in the van might be really fun.

4)Crystalis

Whoa, sweet. Totally doesn’t look like something a bunch of 14 year old LARPers made in their mom’s backyard. My favorite part are all of the… uh… fantastic beasts. Check out the 10 second mark, that behind the puppet shot rocks my socks. The African safari music at the beginning is pretty inspiring too. I really want to play this game, thank god they told me what it was about. Wait, there wasn’t any gameplay footage? I’ll assume you slaughter puppets.

3) Nintendo CGI Montage

So, Nintendo’s telling me that it’s impossible to beat them? I wouldn’t even try if I were you. I do hate that damn dog though. He’s even more of a douche in high-polygon render 3D. And what’s with the upwards inflection when that duck says robot partner? It’s like he’s not sure if you really have a robot. I’m more scared than itching to buy an NES. No thanks.

2) Tetris

This might be the most intense commercial I’ve ever seen; I’m not even sure where to start. First of all, did that little kid dressed as a doctor tell me that I don’t need to touch myself?? That doesn’t seem age appropriate at all. I’m really not sure why that opera singer is in there at all. Are they trying to imply that her singing imploded that building? Or are they saying that poor Tetris players might make unstable buildings. By completing the bottom floor of the building, did it disappear and lead to the collapse? Tetris terrorism right there. And thank god they rotated that kid’s head just enough before it hit his neck. I also really really enjoy that kid showing off his geometry skills and trying to look cool. All in all, it’s a sensory overload of acid trip proportions.

1) The Legend of Zelda

This cracks me up every time I see it. Could anyone be less cool than the kid on the left? And who the hell holds a controller like that? Your hands would cramp up so so badly. Not only is this rap about a really really nerdy subject, they don’t even rap well. How many syllables were in that one line? Too many. And I knew how to hook up my Nintendo really young. I did not need my parent’s help.

Honorable Mention: Nintendo Cereal System

Not really a game, but “Super Mario Chunks” says it all.

After writing the first part of this post, I received some interesting feedback on this game. Although a couple of you told me about how much you enjoyed the game, most jumped on the Zelda II bashing bandwagon. But before you get too carried away, let’s examine why…

Zelda II is greater than its Reputation

Before I get too deeply into this, I should throw this out there: I’m terribly biased.

Zelda II was a game that I enjoyed as a child, and as anyone who really enjoyed video games as a child will know, certain games will stick out in your memory as being special. Zelda II is certainly one of those titles for me. So much so that my parents bought me a Zelda II trashcan that decorates me room to this very day (does it get nerdier than that?). With that caveat out of the way, let’s take a closer look at the game, and see if I can justify my belief that this is a special game.

It made major contributions to future Zelda titles

For a game which was a radical departure from the rest of the Zelda series, it introduced a great number of features that future Zelda titles would retain.

1. Legit Magic System

Granted, the original Zelda game kinda sorta had magic – one of the items was a magic wand you could use endlessly without penalty, and it was possible to upgrade that with a magic book. However, Zelda II
was the first to introduce a magic meter and a host of spells for Link to use.



Creepy Creepy Fairy

This is a gameplay element that nearly every Zelda game would use from this game onward.  Without this, you wouldn’t be visiting the Great Fairy to increase your magical prowess.  And how magical were those experiences?! I had nightmares for ages.

2. Dark (Shadow) Link

For those of you who haven’t beaten (or even played) Zelda II, and don’t want any spoilers, close your browser and play some Minesweeper. Spoiler alert, the smiley face dons some sunglasses when you win! But for the rest of you, the final boss of Zelda II is not Gannon, but rather Dark Link!



Shadow Link

He’s a beast, and he guards the Triforce of Courage. Dark Link returns in several later Zelda games, and he’s always a fun, challenging boss. Personally, the fight against him in the Water Temple of Ocarina of Time rocked my socks. Some form of Dark Link has appeared in five Zelda games since Zelda II, usually in an important part of the game.

3. Sage Names/Town Names

Perhaps a little minor in the grand scheme of things, but the names of the sages in Ocarina of Time come from the town names in Zelda II. Or rather, the names of the towns in Zelda II come from the sages in Ocarina of Time. Confused? Well the creators of the Zelda series have stated that chronologically, Ocarina of Time is the first Zelda game. Thus, it stands to follow that perhaps the towns in Zelda II were named after the great sages from an era long long ago. Interesting? Maybe. It also should be noted that this is the first Zelda game with significant involvement from NPCs (that’s Non Player Character).

The First Action RPG – It Mixed RPG and Platformer Elements

Although it had been attempted in earlier games to a lesser degree, Zelda II was the first game to fully blend platforming elements with RPG elements. Link gathers experience points from treasure bags and from slaying enemies during the platformer portions of the game. When he reaches certain experience levels, he can strengthen his stats in one of three categories – life (defense), magic (MP), and attack power. Many claim that this makes it the first complete action RPG. Action RPGs make up a sizable share of new games in today’s market, and RPG elements have found their way into almost every other genre of games.

It is Chock-Full of Unintentional Comedy

Maybe this should have been the number one reason honestly. There are bugs:

There are women who wear red dresses who invite you into their house to… errr… “heal” you:

And there is a magic spell that turns you into a fairy:

All in all, it’s a great game. If you haven’t tried it recently, I encourage you to give it a shot, whether it’s on Virtual Console or a ROM and emulator, it’s worth a play. It’ll probably make you feel a little like this:

Let’s face it; every single family has one child that they simply don’t like as much as the rest.  Whether the family is embarrassed that the child is uglier than sin, or that he gets picked on so much at school that even the parents know that this kid is less cool that Jared from Subway, one kid just isn’t quite as good as the rest.

And the bigger and more prestigious the family is, the more likely that one of the offspring is really pathetic.  For those of you who are shaking your head at this thought, I’ve got bad news for you: you are that child.  Suck it up, you’re not alone.  In fact you’re in good company, because this phenomenon is not limited to families.  Yes, as Moses wrote in commandment 14, “In any good video game series thou shalt have one black sheep”.  One of the biggest black sheep of video game history is Zelda II: The Adventure of Link.  This is a game that is looked at as the weakest link (pun intended) in a legendary(pun intended) video game series.  But if you dig past the mud that has been slung by video game critics and fans alike, you may be surprised to find that it is not only a rich and rewarding game, but a piece of video game history that bridged a gap to future releases.

Why it is Considered Terrible

It may be surprising to some readers, but Zelda II was actually a pretty impressive financial success for Nintendo.  People were hungry for a game with the depth and mystique that the original Legend of Zelda held.  Although is was not universally panned by critics and gamers, many were left wanting more of the gameplay that the original had blown them away with.  As time moved forward, this feeling only intensified.  This, compounded with the fact that Nintendo released what many consider to be one of the greatest games of all time in A Link to the Past, which was cut from the same mold as the original, has given us in the present a less than stellar view of the second entry in the Zelda franchise.  That being said, here were some of the major gripes people had with Zelda II:

1) What’s with this Sidescrolling Shit?

I’m sure that there were a few poor saps back in the day that picked up Zelda II without reading any reviews or seeing any advertisements for it (remember that the game was released in an era without internet and with very few media sources to cover gaming). After blowing in their cartridge and popping it into their NES, they were greeted with this as the start of the game:

“Uh, is this a Zelda game? What the hell is up with this?? Jumping? You can’t jump in Zelda! I’m supposed to be watching the action from the sky. And who is that laying there – I already saved Zelda! It looks like I’m at her funeral”

Yeah, it’s a bit of a departure from what you, the Zelda enthusiast, might have been expecting. Although part of the game does indeed take place in an overhead view, most of the action of the game is found in the side-scrolling areas, which incidentally seem to be at the heart of the problem people had this this game.

2) Where are my items?

Many of those who were willing to tolerate the departure from top down gameplay were dismayed to see that Nintendo has taken away yet another key gameplay element present in the original: item collecting. Don’t get me wrong, Zelda II had items, but they were passive (candles that lit up rooms, a cross that lets you see invisible enemies, etc.) compared to the active items in the original (bombs, boomerangs, magic wands, bow and arrow). Quick question: would you rather have a candle, or bombs when faced with legions of Gannon’s forces? Yeah, I thought so.  It can hardly even be called a Zelda game without a boomerang, right?  The active items were replaced with a magic system that we’ll take a look at later.

3) It just wasn’t the The Legend of Zelda

The title of the game says it all: Zelda II: The Adventure of Link; this game simply shares less in common with the rest of the series than any other Zelda game. It remains the only Zelda game to forgo the traditional Legend of Zelda title, and possibly with good reason. Zelda fans, both from yesteryear and today, wanted and craved more of the puzzle solving, expanse exploring, top down goodness that we today know simply as a “Zelda game”. It’s gotten to the point that this has become a genre of sorts – I for one have frequently described games as being “Zelda-esque”. Can you describe Zelda II as “Zelda-esque”? I’m not sold that one can. And that was why this game remains a disappointment to so many people. However, another look at this game will show why common perception might be wrong, and this game is really a diamond in the rough.

Check out the conclusion to this article:

http://www.thefournerds.com/games-you-didn%E2%80%99t-know-you-liked-%E2%80%93-zelda-ii-the-adventure-of-link-part-2/